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The Whistleaires' Big Christmas Show
review in the Oakland Tribune by Chad Jones

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Here 'tis...
Whistleaires ham it up with a holiday variety pack

Three stars - Pucker up

By Chad Jones
STAFF WRITER

Back in the days of vintage television, the variety show was a staple of prime time. Toss a major
celebrity - Andy Williams, Perry Como, Judy Garland - into the spotlight, then add a few guest
stars of both the musical and comic variety.

Make sure you've got a slick but flimsy set and a floor full of slightly befuddled dancers and let
the fun begin.

These days, the variety show is legendary kitsch, an all-singing, all-dancing state of grace that
can only be dreamt of by MTV youth. When we speak of variety shows, and we do, we revere
them as under appreciated bits of pop culture that should have been preserved for the
entertainment of the post-millennial cynics.

Thankfully, we have the vast wasteland of cable to help us re-live cheesy TV, and we have the
Whistleaires to whip up ``Big Christmas Special," their ``fourth annual fake Christmas special" at
the EXIT Stage Left Theatre in San Francisco's Tenderloin.

The half-mocking, half-reverent tone achieved by director Meredith Eldred means the audience
is in for some serious fun.

This stage show, with its mondo-Christmas living room set of holly wallpaper, snow-covered
trees out the window, stockings hung by the glowing fireplace and a portrait of a demented elf,
conjures up the feel of 1959 with more than a healthy dose of Y2K irony built in.

The Whistleaires are Whistlin' Phil (Phil Worman) and Toots Romyn (Mark Romyn), and they
are our hosts for 90 minutes of songs, specialty acts and ``a shaky plot structure."

The two enter doing what they do best: whistling. No kidding, these guys are terrific whistlers.
Who knew sardonic twenty-somethings whistled?

To the strains of ``Winter Wonderland," and in a move reminiscent of Mr. Rogers, the bundled
up men change out of their winter gear into their nerdy sports jackets. Toots is fetching in plaid,
while Whistlin' goes for a vertical stripe look.

When not whistling, The Whistleaires banter in a nerdy, semi-funny fashion. After discussing
how much they love Santa Claus and how they fought with him in Korea, ``shoulder to shoulder
against Charlie," they introduce the evening's plot, such as it is. It seems that Santa has lost his
mind and forgotten all about Christmas.

Mrs. Claus (Libby Cox) tries to ignite a spark of memory by singing ``Santa Baby" (piano
accompaniment by David Malloy), but that doesn't work. The only thing that seems to restore
his sanity is a constant stream of entertainment.

That's convenient, because Toots and Whistlin' have lined up an entire evening of goof-ball acts.
Eric Nelson (who also plays Santa) sings ``Run, Run Rudolph" while accompanying himself on the
bongos. Nari Tomassetti does some amazingly unremarkable but funny magic tricks before
returning in a different costume to delight and astonish us with some of the finest trapeze work
ever seen in the Tenderloin.

The best act of all is an appearance by Sir Alec Richardson (Bob Cooper) in full gorilla costume
to perform a monologue from ``Planet of the Apes." If ``the only good human is a dead human"
speech doesn't get your Christmas spirit flowing, nothing will.

Along with some generous tossing of candy into the audience and the appearance of a French
hand puppet named Guy, the evening's highlights are The Whistleaires' numbers.

It's hard to believe, but whistling duets can be exciting and funny. Toots and Whistlin' aren't
selling a CD of Christmas songs in the lobby for nothing. Their ``Frosty the Snowman" performed
as a military march is magisterial, and when they put on a Partridge Family record and whistle
along with Keith and family singing ``Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," the mind reels at the
missed opportunities to include a whistling brother or sister Partridge.

The finale, a whistled selection from ``The Nutcracker," is done in tights (shirts tucked in over
the boxer shorts, of course) and features some of the worst choreography you've ever seen. In
other words, it's nearly perfect.

There's only one thing the highly amusing ``Big Christmas Special" is missing, and that's a
whistle-along number. But resurrecting the lost art of the variety show takes some time. The
Whistleaires will undoubtedly get it right next year.

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